erinmak » Burgers

Burger report: Five Guys

erinmak — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 01:53:57 +0000

We saw that Five Guys Burgers and Fries had opened a Sugar Land location last weekend. On President Obama’s (and my in-laws’) recommendation, we decided to check it out.

Considering the source of the recommendation, we had pretty high hopes. However, Five Guys didn’t make the cut among our burger testers. Dan thought it was excellent, but my mom and I weren’t that impressed. The quality of the burger itself was great, and the condiments were fine, which has not always been the case. However, their buns were too fluffy. They were too thick, number one, so the bun to burger ratio was too high, but they were also very airy. I like a denser bun, and my mom agreed. This was specifically where Dan and we parted ways, I think. As a side note, the fries, which get second billing in the name of the chain even, were not to anyone’s taste. I actually burned away skin on the roof of my mouth on one, which is a bit too hot, I think. (We had to be very careful about what we let The Boy eat, as a result.) Besides that, the fries were skin-on, which I’m not a fan of, and they’re thick and floppy, as opposed to thin and crispy, which is my preference.

Overall, Five Guys gets a 1.5 thumb rating, although I was tempted not to even give it the half-thumb I did (Dan, of course, was the 1). This puts it on par with Prince’s, so it’s certainly not terrible. In fact, Prince’s made the original Best in Houston list by the Chronicle, so some in Houston are sure to consider Five Guys a contender for that crown. My dad, however, as a (non-voting) guest reviewer summed up the experience with, “I wouldn’t go back.”

Correction: I have been alerted that my recollection of the scoring was inaccurate. My mom gave Five Guys a thumbs-up, as did Dan, so the revised score is 2.5 thumbs. I think that’s a bit high, but I’ll be accused of cooking the books if I rescind my half-thumb.

Burger report: Smashburger

erinmak — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 20:44:59 +0000

The title of this post should properly be “Holy crap! Smashburger is Awesome!,” but for consistency’s sake, I’m leaving it as it is.

Dan and I tried Smashburger the day after it opened last week, to see if it would be worth taking my mom to to try for our burger hunting. It was amazing, so when we saw her later that day we told her about it. Kelly was so impressed by our gushing, which included the statement that it was better than Scotty P’s in Dallas, that she demanded we all make a trip before she went back to Dallas after Christmas.

All four — including Kelly’s guest vote — votes having been cast as “fantastic,” Smashburger gets a record 4 thumbs up. It’s clearly the best burger any of us has had in Houston so far, and here’s why: they use soft egg buns that toast really well, and they start fluffy, but compress nicely when you squeeze down on the burger to eat; the patties are clearly hand-formed, right before cooking, with little crisp edges and filigrees coming off in all directions; the condiments are well-applied, so that they’re noticeable, but not overpowering; and, as a bonus, they serve what Dan calls “the closest fries to McDonald’s” that he’s ever had.

Locals will probably scoff at the newcomer, as Smashburger is a chain based in Colorado. In fact, they have only two locations outside of Colorado: Wichita, KS, and now, Houston. The fact that it’s not a Texas-grown burger will probably not allow Houstonians to call it the “best” in Houston, but we’ve tried the hole-in-the-wall, native Houston places, and they simply don’t compare. I don’t care where the product is from, as long as it tastes this good.

Dan and I have, in fact, now had Smashburger three times in a week. That seems like gluttony, I know, but a) it’s the holidays, and b) we had it today as a last family hurrah before I have to go into isolation for a few days from my thyroid radiation therapy. As a result, though, I can now report that Smashburger doesn’t travel all that well. It was still a great burger, but not nearly as good as eating in.

Burger report: Lankford Grocery and Tornado Burger

erinmak — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 20:45:24 +0000

The burger detectives went to Lankford Grocery over Thanksgiving. Incidentally, any place that doesn’t have a website I can link to is a good candidate for “best burger,” because that means it’s a one-off kind of place and not a chain.

Anyway, Lankford was incredibly crowded, which affirms its status as a lauded Houston institution. We were lucky (or pushy) enough to grab an unbussed table and clear it ourselves. (I say pushy, because other patrons stood around looking dolefully at other unbussed tables, leading me to conclude that we Northerners weren’t observing Southern etiquette.) The burgers took a long time to arrive, due to how crowded it was. They were clearly hand-formed, so my mom was immediately pleased by that. Dan and I loved the fries, although my mom was less impressed.

Everything was hot and fresh, but there were some flaws. The menu says all burgers are served medium, which the waitress reiterated. Mine, however, was well-done. Lankford’s burgers are also thin-patty style, which I’m coming to despise. The condiments on mine were applied with a heavy hand, such that I couldn’t taste the cheese. When I mentioned that to my fellow detectives, my mom said that, come to think of it, she couldn’t taste the cheese on hers either. Which was really odd considering that she had gotten a plain burger with cheese as the only adornment. All of this caused me to give Lankford a half-thumbs up, although the others each gave it a full thumb, for a total of 2.5. We gave our ratings before we tried to pay, at which point we discovered that Lankford has a “wait in line and pay at the cash register” policy. Given how busy it was, Dan waited 15 minutes just to pay.

Lankford was the first universally-acclaimed burger joint we’ve tried, and I have to say that it was disappointing given the hype. On the other hand, today’s special bonus review was a pleasant surprise. I pulled into Tornado Burger for lunch today. Their sign says they’re the “Best Cheeseburger in Houston” according to the Houston Press. I thought I’d give it a try on my own and bring the other burger detectives along sometime if it was worthy. It’s not that good, but since it’s in a run-down old Long John Silver’s location on a shabby stretch of Murphy Rd in Stafford, I wasn’t really expecting much. It was the best fast-food burger I’ve had in Houston. Someone there has clearly been to In-N-Out and decided to try to replicate it. The bun was grilled and crispy, and the fries were great, albeit seasoned, which I know is a deal-breaker for my mom. The burger was thin, and the condiments heavily-applied (is that just a Texas thing?), but overall very good for a fast-food burger.

Burger report: Southwell’s Hamburger Grill

erinmak — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 00:08:44 +0000

We went on our first post-Natal burger excursion today. As you can see from the picture, Nate geared up for his first adventure by resting up. He also napped through the whole lunch, too.

We, including our guest burger judge, Dan, tried Southwell’s today. We ended up there after realizing that all the burger places we really wanted to try (Lankford Grocery, Bellaire Broiler Burger, Christian’s Totem) are closed on Sundays. Dan had suggested Barnaby’s, but, as I’ve described before, Barnaby’s doesn’t qualify for “best burger” status. Southwell’s receives mixed reviews in web searches, but it had enough positive comments to call it a contender.

An important note, before I describe the Southwell’s burgers: we decided today to implement a 3-thumbs rating system. Each of us will rate each burger with a yes, no, or half thumb. Retroactively, we’ve given Prince’s 1.5 thumbs and Pappas BBQ 1 thumb. A restaurant has to receive 3 thumbs to be a contender for the best burger in Houston.

Southwell got 2.5 thumbs, making it the best burger so far. The buns were nothing special, and they were very mashed down on the grill, although they tasted good. The patties were thin, but tasted good, and the fries were like In-N-Out fries, well-done (i.e., very good). In fact, all in all, Southwell’s was really the closest to In-N-Out that I’ve come across in Houston. (So you Californians will have to try it when you come visit…) The cheese was very high quality, and despite some pickle-clumping issues on my burger, the condiments were well-applied.

What I learned from the Southwell’s trip is that a thicker patty is one of my criteria for a really good burger. The thin patties just get too dried out. The burgers and fries were very good at Southwell’s, but it’s really not a contender for the best burger in Houston.

Burger report: We’re not alone

erinmak — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 15:33:43 +0000

Apparently, the quest for an elusive burger is not ours alone (mine, Dan’s, and my mom’s, I mean). I previously mentioned that our gold standard was from a bar in Empire, MI, which we don’t know the name of and definitely couldn’t find again if we wanted to. The exact same story line formed the plot of the September 29 episode of How I Met Your Mother. I guess it must be a common experience to have had an amazing burger someplace and then never be able to find it again. Dan has dubbed this “Burgerdoon”.

For those who are wondering, the burger reporting has somewhat been put on hold with the arrival of Nathan and the new school year. Nate will definitely accompany us on future research, but those visits now have to wait for my mom to have a school break or something. Good burger places are just too crowded on weekends to conduct research then.

Burger report: Criteria

erinmak — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 13:44:57 +0000

I had promised before that I would lay out some of the criteria for judging, but the Pappas post seemed like it was getting too long to include it there. I’m coming to understand after these two trials how much the bun matters. It needs to either be completely unobtrusive, which means a low bun-to-meat ratio (which is where thick Texas barbecue buns fail), or it needs to be a really good bun, as the lightly-grilled poppyseed ones at Prince’s are. I’m not looking for fancy buns, like the wheat ones at Barnaby’s that Dan likes so much.

For the patty, it should be greasy enough that you know it’s a juicy, grill-cooked burger. Anything too thin, pre-formed, overcooked, etc., has no flavor and no grease to it. A really good burger needs to have some flavor and some grease, without being drenched in it or being fatty.

And as far as condiments go, the ratio is what’s most important. If I get cheese on the burger, I want to know it’s there, not have to go lifting the bun to make sure they put it on. Pickles should not be heaped in one giant lump in the middle, and mustard should not saturate and dominate the burger. When a burger is really, really good, I’ll tolerate other condiments, like lettuce, tomato, and onion (never mayonnaise), because it’s good enough to overcome my dislike of those items and comes to taste like a package deal. This is how I approach the burgers at Scotty P’s and Avalon Diner.

For those of you who don’t live in Houston, let me provide some examples of what I consider great burgers from elsewhere, so you might get a sense of what I’m searching for in Houston:

Scotty P’s (Dallas area): “That’s one historic burger!” as they say about themselves. One of the secret criteria that Scotty P’s matches is that they have really good chocolate milkshakes, which adds cred to any burger joint. Also, their burgers are the main focus of the menu, although they do have other items, and I think that’s another minor criterion for a good burger: it really is the focus, or at least the showcase item, of what the restaurant has to offer.
101 Hamburgers (Daytona, FL): This is not the name of the place, but I don’t know the name of it. It’s a roadside biker bar that a friend took us to last year during the AP reading. They literally have a menu with 101 different kinds of hamburgers on it, which they cook on an open-flame grill behind the bar. All the burgers are the same price, and you can get unlimited french fries or sweet potato fries for $1.00 on the side. I don’t even remember exactly which burger I got, but it was excellent.
In-N-Out Burger (Western U.S.): I’m including In-N-Out, even though it’s a chain, because it’s pretty much the best chain burger you can get. Their buns and fries are particularly noteworthy, and they do proportion the condiments just to your liking; in fact, they’re famous for it. In-N-Out is so good that we make a point of stopping there anytime we’re in California, much as former Houston residents put Chuy’s on their “must-eat” list anytime they’re back in Houston. I’ll also go ahead and mention Rally’s here, which is my favorite fast-food burger from back home. Until conducting this research, I didn’t know that Rally’s is known as Checkers in some parts of the country and, even more surprisingly, that there’s a Checkers in Beaumont. Now, if I only had a reason to be in Beaumont…

Burger report: Pappas Bar-B-Q

erinmak — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 14:26:36 +0000

We were finally able to sample Pappas Bar-B-Q’s burgers today after an aborted attempt earlier this week. It seems that not only do certain locations not serve burgers, which we found out about two weeks ago when we tried to go to the location on S. Main near Reliant Stadium, but even those that do don’t serve them all the time, as we found out this week. The location on San Jacinto at Pierce, downtown, only serves them after 2:00 p.m. during the week, so imagine our disappointment when we went there for lunch at noon on Wednesday and couldn’t get them.

However, the third time was the charm, and we finally got burgers at the location on 59 near Beechnut today. Mom, Dan, and I all sampled them, and we all give them a thumbs-up rating. The patties, in particular were very good, and the cheeseburgers had a nice amount of cheese on them. The buns were nothing special; in fact, they were the same buns that they use for the barbecue sandwiches, so they’re really just bland Texas barbecue buns, but the patties made up for it. They were juicy and thick and well-cooked. The condiments were a little skimpy for my taste, other than the cheese, but overall it was a very good burger. Those of us who had tried Prince’s rated it higher than Prince’s, although we also all agreed that these were not “best burger ever” burgers.

Other places we plan to try: Lankford’s Grocery in Midtown; Avalon Diner (although we’ve been many times, this time is for official research purposes); and if there’s time (i.e., if the baby doesn’t cut short our research), Cue’s Burgers in SW Houston and Bellaire Broiler Burger.

Burger report: Chronicle picks

erinmak — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 16:25:53 +0000

Huh, more proof that the Chronicle’s website is just weird: They have the burger slideshow back up now. It wasn’t there when I made my post a few days ago, and it wasn’t there at 8:00 this morning when I did my daily read of the Chronicle’s headlines. Maybe the fact that I’ve searched the Chronicle’s website repeatedly for “best burger” over the last week or so has convinced them that people are looking for the slideshow.

Apparently, the Chronicle also has a Burger Friday blog that continually checks out burger joints. Their current review is on Otto’s in the tunnels downtown, but given that our research has constraints, like the fact that we don’t work downtown and therefore won’t go pay to park there (even if we could find a space) just to get to the tunnels, we won’t be reviewing that.

I can say now, too, that the most unappetizing-looking burgers in the slideshow were the ones from Champ Burger, which has been getting a lot of press lately. I’m not adding it to our research list, though, because the photo looks awful, despite the great reviews it gets. Similarly, although the Wunsche Bros. Saloon photo looks heavenly, and they, too, have gotten great reviews elsewhere, since it’s in Old Town Spring (about 45 minutes away), I’m crossing that one off the list, too.

In other words, I’m not promising an exhaustive report on burgers in Houston. Like everything else on this blog, my reviews will be highly subjective.

Burger report: Prince’s

erinmak — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 20:28:00 +0000

About ten days ago, I saw a slideshow on the Houston Chronicle’s web site on the best burgers in Houston. They weren’t actually ranked or reviewed, nor were their locations even listed; it just showed photos of burgers and named where they were from. I found some of their choices immediately suspect, given that they included the upscale Reef as a candidate. Anybody looking for “beef sliders” with “sriracha remoulade” can’t actually be looking for the best burger in Houston; too fancy, too pretentious. I further questioned the Chronicle’s taste when some of the photos looked way less than appetizing, although I can’t name names because I don’t remember offhand which ones, and the slideshow seems not to be available anymore.

All this, though, got my mom and me interested in researching for ourselves. We’re in agreement that the best burger either of us has ever had was at this bar in Empire, MI, which we just stumbled into on our way to Traverse City about four summers ago. None of us (the trip included Dan and my dad, as well) can remember the name, but we all definitely remember the burgers. So the mythical “Empire” burger will be our gold standard for judging. As with most mythical things, it’s hard to describe the experience accurately, but we’ll just know at some gut level whether a Houston burger measures up or not.

First on our list was Prince’s Hamburgers on Hwy 59. The service was quick, which was a bonus, and the fries were good. Prince’s serves their hamburgers on a toasted poppyseed bun, which was a nice change and which we agreed was the best part of the burger. The only problem was that the patty was really nothing special. It was thin, not juicy, and a little overcooked. My mom also got a sort of lighter-fluid aftertaste off of it, which I didn’t notice, but I can see how that would be a detriment to rating the burger as “the best.” Our overall assessment: good, not great.

Next up: Pappas Bar-B-Q, probably sometime next week.