Students are funny

Completely unrelated to the previous post, I have some gems of student work to share:

  • “William Hazlitt is a tricky, tricky man.”
  • “Jesus would not approve of William Hazlitt.”
  • “It’s almost as if Hazlitt is trying to say that one cannot get on well in the world without money.” — in reponse to the William Hazlitt quote “Literally and truly, one cannot get on well in the world without money.”
  • “[The passage] creeps from coma [Yes, 'coma' -ed.] usage to a prolonged decay of semicolons, finally rotting into a stench of comas [Damn the 'comas' -ed.] and periods. The torture of the reader [! -ed.] is further prolonged as they pass through the array of semicolons which fall apart into periods and comas, similarly reminding us of the grave and all the horrors it holds.” Indeed.
  • “As you know your only doing this for money. Perfect example right now your sitting here grading my essay which is proboley like your thousandth one that you have seen today and are falling asleep, wondering the things I do for money. Think about it you could be home just relaxing instead of reading all this blah.” Yes, kid, I could be, but your essay just made it all worth it.
  • “It’s the diction and use of rhetorical devices employed by William Hazlitt that makes a reader feel like they just saw a puppy get hit by a car — twice.”
  • “Contrary to modern popular fiction William Hazlitt was not an angel but a man [...] the semicolons indicate a pause for breath, further evidence that Hazlitt was mortal.”
  • And later in the same essay, whose author said “Satire! It was funny, right? Please don’t fail me. I really need this to get ahead in life” came my favorite line of all: “Socrates’ popular and legendary quote ‘CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR AWESOME’ would also not apply in this case.”

To be fair, all of this is somewhat offset by the one student who (successfully) incorporated paraphrases of and references to Ben Franklin, Kurt Vonnegut, Michel Foucault, and John Locke in his incredibly well-written essay. Doubleplus gold star for you.

Leave a Reply