Armand’s Rules of the Road

  1. Please be kind enough not to blow cold air in my face. I will yowl should you not comply.
  2. Please ensure that I am not too hot. I will yowl if I get too warm.
  3. Music I will not listen to, under any circumstances: “jazz brunch,” pop, hip hop, anything with horns or high hat, female singers. Please keep the radio tuned to ’70s stoner rock, or else I will voice my displeasure.
  4. Please avoid accelerating. And decelerating. And turning corners. And changing gears. And going over bumps. I prefer a smooth ride at 60 mph. Otherwise, I will shriek in protest.
  5. Do not be lulled into complacency by the fact that I have not spoken up in a few minutes. Else, I will be forced to emit a harsh scream to alert you to the fact that my needs are not being sufficiently tended to.
  6. It will perhaps be easier on everyone if you simply accept the fact that I will yell for the duration of the trip.
  7. If any of the above rules are violated — or if someone looks at me the wrong way — I may snap at my companions.
  8. On the other hand, any trip in which I can induce my companions to add their voices to mine is a good road trip.

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