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I have all these ideas for blog entries swimming around, but stuff will have to be really quiet for me to pull out a stock column. I mean, I’ll give you one of my percolating ideas when nothing’s happened lately. But when things keep making me mad, you’re going to hear about them instead. They’re more current, fresher, if you will. And likely more fun than just stuff I’ve been thinking about for awhile.

Today’s topic is marriage, good and bad. I rarely express strong opinions, for fear that they’ll net me fewer friends than before expression. However, I’m putting my foot down: marriage is not a competition, and you don’t keep score. (What? I said it.)

What brought this on? Overheard over the cubicle wall: “Well, honey, we’re doing stuff that you want to do three times in the next week… Yes, we are! We’re having dinner with your friends on Saturday, and then we’re doing that thing at your work, and then helping your friend move the following week. So, see, you owe me.”

You owe me? Surely it was said in jest. That is not how successful relationships work, I’m sorry. It’s not like, “I made dinner, so you owe me a backrub;” “I spent three hours with your parents, so now you have to sit through a chick flick with me;” “I mowed the lawn today, so there better be some boom-boom tonight!”

Are we children that we need bribery or payment for doing nice things? Did you not marry your spouse because you like doing nice things for him or her? I pay the bills each month not because that’s an exchange for “making” Dan vacuum the house, but because that’s my contribution to making our household run smoothly (and because we’d be in the streets if I relied on Dan to remember to pay the bills, but that’s a different issue).

Why do I care about other people’s doomed marriages? Well, they give the rest of us a bad name. Some people stay away from marriage just because they’ve seen really bad examples of it. Just ask Matt — apparently we’re teaching him more in his internship than how to add charts to reports that he’ll be asked to take out again because they take up too much space (ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha … oops, sorry). And besides, the particular marriage-challenged person of my original example bugs the crap out of me, and I’m always looking for ways to snipe behind her back.

OK, </rant>.

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